12.

 The last 51 days has been a disaster of my life, which started on with a mistake that i committed 7months ago or mayb even before that. Things have changed alot ever since then from bad to worse day by day. There's not even a day that passes by without us fighting with each other regarding the same matter. Ik that fights are common things that makes a relationship stronger, but these fights that we have arent quite going well rather than it might be leading to something thats worse than what i expect. I hope that things dont end up the way i think it will at the end of one day. Itd be very hard for me if that happens, idk what would i do if we end up breaking up. Theres alotta things that i feel about my life rn that i cant explain anyone or anywhere. Everything is just keep getting worse between us which i never thought would be happening because of what great we have or mayb had between us. Even though out love for each other is unconditional, our relationship isnt stable  anymore. Ik that she's going through her toughest times ever in her life, but so is me. I have never had an issue in my life that had made me mentally ill for so long like this than ever. Its just quite unexplainable. I just keep on trying to make her believe that all those things we had done, happened for a reason which may not be easy to digest but something that we have to move on from one day. And im eagerly waiting for that day to come so that we can have a happy and pleasant life together. I just wish that i could be more careful when things went wrong and led to all this shit thats ruining our relationship which we thought would be the happiest and forever lasting. But now its just like we are in a relationship so that we have someone just to fight all day long. All i do is sit, think, cry and feel so depressed about this whole tragic thing and feel more bad and miserable. It is so hard to sit alone and go through all this without a person to talk to. The only hope thats left in me is to pray to god for things to atleast stay normal and not end up being alone and be in a mental situation to have suicidal thoughts once again in my life. I just hate myself for not doing the right thing in the first place. Nothing like this would have happened if i had been concerned about the consequences we should have faced if i didn't be so selfish. Idk what else to say here. All i feel is lost and hurt without us being normal and happy like before. I wish i could atleast understand what she is going through all these days and act accordingly so that none of us would end up hurting each other.

My Life feels just so worthless being in this depressing time.

 I love both of u so much, and i wish if we never had to be in this situation.