11.
I've been wanting to write this blog for so long now but never managed to write it till now. Cant say nothing much is happening now like i usually do, because quite much the opposite is what is happening rn.
Its the 70th day of this fucking lockdown. Ik that I've never been cursing around in my talks, texts or blogs ever until u know me till 10th, but yah I've started again to do so because of this wrecking situation of ours, by ours i mean me and her(bunny).
It was so nice to happily live for more than 3months with her by my side. But as those days started ending due to lockdown, It has never been the same for us. I dont want to go in detail for what is happening with us, but i am here to tell u what i feel about myself ever since then.
Its very unusual that i lose my temper, infact no one that ik for 4 and a half years do even believe it or actually haven't seen it either. But since the lockdown started getting extended after many extensions, I've noticed that there are many behavioral changes in me.
For instance, nowadays i get so angry and pissed at myself for everything that is happening or happened, and ik most of the part of it all is me myself. And especially the p'thing. I am not able to calm myself, cant control my actions or sometimes words and i say something or the other hurting her. And it would always be her that's getting hurt because of me because i am lonely, and i only have her talk about everything. I am a fucking hypocrite, who says her to calm down for everything even though i am the one who mostly needs to calm the fuck down.
I feel so restless, angry and fed up these days now. All i do is hurt, hurt and hurt her again and again. And i myself think and feel sad, bad, pissed and cry over night think about it.
I am not a guy perfect for her and will never will be. But i keep trying again and again to prove myself that i am worth for her. But yes, it always fails. Fails to the every bit of it.
As days pass by, we fight over things more and more & is upset to each other most of the time, which i swear i never want it to be, neither does she. But i dont know why does that happen. Its not at all easy to be in such a situation, where you have to chose the next words very carefully, and yes i fail at that but i try not to hurt her feelings, because i hate to. But idky most of the things that she says makes it so hard for me to even think about, because its so hurtful, it makes me feel like she doesn't understand how much she means to my life even though i explain and shout it to her for a billion times. I hope she gets it. Because its hard to be in a relationship where the other partner doesn't know the depth of the love that means to you. All i hope and die wishing for is for her not to say anything like that which is so hurtful and makes my mood and temper even worse.
Ik I'm a fucking asshole, who can't calm the shit down by myself, but i do know that she can calm down so well with her caring, loving and the wonderful heart of hers which i love to be around with. That is why i always like to text her and say things every now and then.
I love her soo so much, so much that i am even ready to spare my life for hers. I am dying to be married to her even thought its just a short time of span we've been together to each other with.
I am sure that this love from me isn't sufficient for her, because she deserves more of me and more of my love. But like how i promised and wanted, I am giving her all the love and care i can possibly give, because ive never loved a human being this much in my life other than my parents. Shes the only one person that i care for the most in the past few months, the present and in the future. And it will always be like this. I wish i could explain her how much i depend on my life to hers in a way that she can understand, i hope she does understand that already, because it hurts to hear things from her when we are at our worst situations.
Ik that ive been hurting her too, every now and then saying things or through my actions and at times by not understanding what she meant, which happens almost most of the times. I just wish that she forgets and forgives those by night, so that I could tell how much i love her and to wish hr gudnight before my chubby bunny goes to sleep.
I love you so muchh to the infinite times babies. And l will always love you unconditionally and with unlimited efforts to keep it strong and to last forever until our last breath baby.❤
Its the 70th day of this fucking lockdown. Ik that I've never been cursing around in my talks, texts or blogs ever until u know me till 10th, but yah I've started again to do so because of this wrecking situation of ours, by ours i mean me and her(bunny).
It was so nice to happily live for more than 3months with her by my side. But as those days started ending due to lockdown, It has never been the same for us. I dont want to go in detail for what is happening with us, but i am here to tell u what i feel about myself ever since then.
Its very unusual that i lose my temper, infact no one that ik for 4 and a half years do even believe it or actually haven't seen it either. But since the lockdown started getting extended after many extensions, I've noticed that there are many behavioral changes in me.
For instance, nowadays i get so angry and pissed at myself for everything that is happening or happened, and ik most of the part of it all is me myself. And especially the p'thing. I am not able to calm myself, cant control my actions or sometimes words and i say something or the other hurting her. And it would always be her that's getting hurt because of me because i am lonely, and i only have her talk about everything. I am a fucking hypocrite, who says her to calm down for everything even though i am the one who mostly needs to calm the fuck down.
I feel so restless, angry and fed up these days now. All i do is hurt, hurt and hurt her again and again. And i myself think and feel sad, bad, pissed and cry over night think about it.
I am not a guy perfect for her and will never will be. But i keep trying again and again to prove myself that i am worth for her. But yes, it always fails. Fails to the every bit of it.
As days pass by, we fight over things more and more & is upset to each other most of the time, which i swear i never want it to be, neither does she. But i dont know why does that happen. Its not at all easy to be in such a situation, where you have to chose the next words very carefully, and yes i fail at that but i try not to hurt her feelings, because i hate to. But idky most of the things that she says makes it so hard for me to even think about, because its so hurtful, it makes me feel like she doesn't understand how much she means to my life even though i explain and shout it to her for a billion times. I hope she gets it. Because its hard to be in a relationship where the other partner doesn't know the depth of the love that means to you. All i hope and die wishing for is for her not to say anything like that which is so hurtful and makes my mood and temper even worse.
Ik I'm a fucking asshole, who can't calm the shit down by myself, but i do know that she can calm down so well with her caring, loving and the wonderful heart of hers which i love to be around with. That is why i always like to text her and say things every now and then.
I love her soo so much, so much that i am even ready to spare my life for hers. I am dying to be married to her even thought its just a short time of span we've been together to each other with.
I am sure that this love from me isn't sufficient for her, because she deserves more of me and more of my love. But like how i promised and wanted, I am giving her all the love and care i can possibly give, because ive never loved a human being this much in my life other than my parents. Shes the only one person that i care for the most in the past few months, the present and in the future. And it will always be like this. I wish i could explain her how much i depend on my life to hers in a way that she can understand, i hope she does understand that already, because it hurts to hear things from her when we are at our worst situations.
Ik that ive been hurting her too, every now and then saying things or through my actions and at times by not understanding what she meant, which happens almost most of the times. I just wish that she forgets and forgives those by night, so that I could tell how much i love her and to wish hr gudnight before my chubby bunny goes to sleep.
I love you so muchh to the infinite times babies. And l will always love you unconditionally and with unlimited efforts to keep it strong and to last forever until our last breath baby.❤
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